I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
