i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Sorry about my life...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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