They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Randomize
