You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize