A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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