I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
