you guys were way drunker than both of me
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
