If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
