Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
