Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
