you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
