We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
