you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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