So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
the gays at disneyland are vicious
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
