i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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