I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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