My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
