I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
