Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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