Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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