the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
