I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
