there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
