you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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