They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
