Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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