so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
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Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
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Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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