I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
