there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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