Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
