areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
