Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
