i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
it hurts more in the daytime
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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