I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
