i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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