whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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