Tell her she can't have a vagina
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
