so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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