porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
