he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize