I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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