if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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