Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
