I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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