It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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