I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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