We named our party play list daddy issues
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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