Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
