So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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