is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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