If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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