Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
