i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
