mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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